You are welcome for the "swift kick in the butt". My words don't
come from this specific type of problem, but through realtionship
problems in general. I spent far too much time and energy in bad
relationships. And you are in a bad relationship. Period. All the
promises to change in the world are not going to make a difference.
Time has shown you that.
When I got involved with an alcoholic drug abuser, a friend who
happened to be a substance abuse counselor TOLD ME that the only way
my fiance was going to change was to hit rock bottom on his own...
Meaning I would have to leave him. His promises to me were empty
ones because I was stying by his side while he did these things. He
never got better even though he promised. After wasting 5 years of
my life on him, it finally came to an end. It was heartbreaking the
way it ended, I did seek counseling for myself to make sure I
handled myself well, and now that he is not in my life, things are
sooooo incredibly better.
It IS similar because he has an addiction. To get rich. He won't
admit that he has a problem. Until something happens that makes him
SEE his problem, he won't see it. He will probably have to lose
you, become homeless, file for bankruptcy, and possible land himself
in jail for failing to pay child support before he cleans up his act.
It's not pretty, but sometimes when you love someone, you have to
let them go and let them fall.
And you can't go back. If you go back, you risk falling back into
the same trap.
Good luck. And if you think you may not have the strength to follow
through, go seek counseling. They can help you gain the strength
you need to start over.
Please start over.
--- In mlmsurvivorsclub@
<trekkiebear@
>
> Shana, Vicki & Hal, thanks a lot for everything you've said.
>
> Shana, thank you for sharing your story and for your empathy and
> understanding.
>
> Hal, thanks for your long post back and great advice.
>
> Vicki, thank you for your words too. They're a good swift kick and
the
> butt and believe me, I know that I'm partly responsible for letting
> things get this far.
>
> It's amazing how things like this get worse while you're dealing
with
> every day life. I just didn't realize how deep we'd sunk into this.
> Maybe I didn't want to believe it. I think it's also partly
because I
> wanted to believe in him. I wanted him to succeed and I want him
to be
> happy. But I also want him to love me and our family more than he
> loves Primerica.
>
> He wants riches and the recognition of "going across the stage" and
> getting the ring or the watch with the diamonds. I will gladly
> exchange that for a lifetime of just being financially
responsible. I
> just don't know how to get him to trade his blinged out dreams
with my
> more mundane reality.
>
> Hal's words have stuck with me. I wonder if Arnold will blame me
for
> what he will believe "might have been?" I wonder if there's a
> counselor who specializes in this sort of thing as well as
relationships.
>
> I wonder if he'll really choose this business over us? I am
definitely
> prepared to split if he does, but wow, I never thought it would
come
> to this.
>
> Again, only time will tell. 3 1/2 months to go.
>
> Thank you all again, so much. It means more than a few typed words
can
> say.
>
> Shelly : )
>
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