On Thursday 12 July 2007, gardeningkelly wrote:
> Thank you, thank you all, I'm making a list of all the advice- It
> just SO HELPS that I don't feel like I'm the only one in the whole
> world who sees how dangerous this is and I don't feel so crazy and
> frantic anymore.
That is *EXACTLY* why we are here! This group was here for me when I
was dating a Quackstar IBDrone and now we're here for you. We are a
survivor's group and we're here to help you survive this experience
and, we desperately hope, to help your daughter survive this, get out,
and have the time and space to see herself as the wonderful person she
is and that her husband could not face. We are your shoulder to cry on
and we are people that want to help you get through this. We are a
resource and hope you will make full use of what we can offer.
> She did call yesterday,
That, in itself, is fantastic news. Her husband was probably pushing
her to "ban" you from her life (I'm guessing here) and that was likely
where the "forever" statements were coming from. It's a good sign
she's still talking to you.
> we 'smoothed' things out
> for now- she started going into how I can talk to the uplines if I
> want now- but now I don't think I will, based on your advice. I
> think it just antagonized them to rally the wagons around her. I
> did try talking to the husband the day before, that went so-so... he
> was defending his mother. We will make a safety plan, and i'll try
> and see her this weekend or next week- she seems fine on the phone
> now- I guess it's called the "honeymoon" period.
Yes. They're on good behavior. Deep down inside they know they've been
naughty and don't want to be caught now. Consciously they'll never
realize this.
> When she called I
> said we should just try to avoid talking about the business, and she
> said 'but mom, I just want to share my successes with you'. Is that
> normal Quixtar talk?
Yes, it is.
This is a time to ask questions, to probe to make her think -- at least
it would be under "normal" circumstances. Questions like, "How do you
define success?" Let her define it, then ask questions like ,So how
many people are in your downline? How much are you making in actual
profit each month? In other words, the questions would get her to
think so she realizes she does not have the success she thinks she
does.
HOWEVER: In this case, if she starts thinking about that, she may start
questioning her husband, and that can lead to violence. It's a VERY
fine line. The trick is to get HER to realize she's not safe and has
to leave him. If you tell her that, she can always question it, but if
she figures it out, she can never doubt it. That's the first goal.
It'd be great to get her to see that Quackstar is a scam, but if she
does and starts questioning that openly, her husband will react. It's
a very fine line (as I said) and you have to walk it carefully.
Also, remember, if she leaves him, there's a divorce and court. Scamway
does not take well to these things unless they can brand her as
negative and that means, by their rules, if she's negative, they can
walk all over her and she no longer "counts." This is another reason
you want documentation for any physical abuse, any emotional battery,
any threats, or anything else. They might get their upline to help
with lawyers, but if it's clear that you have evidence on your side
that their perfect IBOs aren't acting like good little Christians (and
I mean that derisively, not toward Christians, but towards the Yager
emulation of them), they will probably want to give up so nothing gets
out.
> Is that the emotional tugging or whatever?
> What do I say to that?
Questions. Always questions. Give us all her drone-speak and we'll
help with the questions. After a while you'll get the hang of it.
> Every time I even think of her stupid
> business my blood boils- yes, hard to keep my mouth shut and I know
> I have to, so I'll give it my best shot.
That is one of the hardest parts of your job now. The other is waiting.
> My husband doesn't see the
> danger in the business- that they all rally around and try to
> isolate her from us, esp when he hurt her. I just hate them.
Would your husband be convinced by websites documenting the lies and
deceit in this whole thing?
> I
> think I need to stay totally away from them because I can usually be
> civil except when something like this happens.
I can understand that perfectly. If you weren't a good Mother, you
wouldn't feel that. It's quite normal.
We care. Let us know what's going on and how we can help!
Hal
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