First, what do you want us to call you? (I'm not asking for a real
name, but it'd be nice to call you something other than
bonneoumauvais.
More importantly: You hit the nail on the head. Your sister drank the
cool aid. She is, at this point, literally brainwashed. Would your
sister normally behave at all the way she has under Arbonne? I don't
know. You'll have to answer that one, but I doubt she would.
We can offer support, but we can't fix this and neither can you. She is
being told that her whole life should be Arbonne and if she has a spare
few bucks, she should invest it. If she has a spare few minutes, she
should invest it. If you've seen Star Trek, she has become a borg
drone.
This is exactly what the Abronne people want: They want her to listen to
her over anyone else, they want her to consider them the source of all
knowledge and wisdom and they want to control her thinking, which she
has. The reaction she showed to the words "pyramid scheme" are
typical: she is in denial. At some level she knows what it is and you
dared to tell her the truth. That's not what she wants to hear, so
when you said that she had to react to avoid facing the truth.
I wish I had good news, but basically at this point all you can do is be
there for her and nod and say yes at the right times and politely stay
back from her. She really believes this is the best thing on this
Earth and will believe whatever they tell her to believe.
If/when she comes out of this, she'll feel like dirt because she'll
realize that when you needed her, she wasn't there but you've been
there for her all along. At that point, you can use that to help her
understand what the issue is with a group like Arbonne and it may take
hold.
Until then, she is brainwashed and the first thing you can do is make
sure she doesn't suck in your family or friends and cost them money.
As painful as it is, you can't stop her from going broke or into debt
or from messing up her own life. It's like she's an alcoholic: you
can't do a thing to effectively stop her until she hits bottom and
realizes how much trouble she's in.
Make sure nobody lends or gives her money. She needs to run out of
money as quickly as possible. If your parents, for example, keep
lending her money, then they're letting her continue. If, on the other
hand, it comes down to she's spent all the money and her husband's
paycheck isn't due for another week and they're there to turn off cable
or power and nobody helps out, then she'll first say everyone is not
supporting her, and second, she'll have to start dealing with reality.
For some this happens when the first bill is paid late, for others it
happens when a service is cut off. For others, it happens when they're
alone and in the gutter.
That sounds tough, but if people keep enabling her so she can keep
spending money then she won't see what kind of damage this is doing to
her and her family. She will need to fall and see how bad things are
on her own.
It's not easy to deal with, but we're here to listen and help!
Hal
On Monday 17 March 2008, bonneoumauvais wrote:
> Hello,
>
> I am new here, and also to MLMs in general... so bear with me
> please! I found this group while doing a simple search about MLMs
> and what they are all about because my sister has recently become a
> consultant for Arbonne International. I wanted to get some
> information on how companies like hers can impact families and
> relationships. Judging on the rules of the site I assume the first
> thing I should do is introduce myself and the reason I am here, so
> here goes...
>
> I am in my early 20's, I have a BA and am currently working
> towards an MA. I work full-time in the Environmental field and love
> it so far, although as I've heard many times over, this is bound to
> change after I've been working full-time for a few more years! =P
> Favorite things: I love to travel, especially to urban areas, I
> snowboard, read anything and everything I can get my hands on, and
> love to be outside doing anything (or nothing) at all. I also value
> and love my family very much, which brings me to why I joined this
> group.
> My sister and I have not always been close because we are about
> 10 years apart in age, but we have become very close in the last 6 or
> 7 years. I usually speak to her a few times a week and we live near
> each other, so I visit when my schedule allows... not as often as I
> would like, sadly. I used to live with her and her family on breaks
> from college. She is a stay at home mom and has a husband and two
> children. She has always been a positive force in my life, sometimes
> more of a mother figure than a sister really... but has always been a
> great sister!
>
> Months ago, she told me that she was going to become a
> consultant for a company called Arbonne International, which I had
> also heard of through a college friend. I honestly told her to be
> careful and to make sure she did background research on the company
> before she got in over her head. She probably didn't like getting
> advice from her little sister, but what's done is done. Maybe I
> shouldn't have said anything, but I was worried that she was getting
> caught up in something that could turn out to be a scam. At first,
> she seemed to be doing so well, she always sounded excited and
> happy... she was making a lot of new friends, and other women she is
> friends with were also signing on. She invited me and my coworker to
> her "Launch Party" and gave me a catalog to look at before the event.
> I arrived early to give her a hand with food/drink preparations, and
> was excited to see her friends, who are always a lot of fun.
> The "Launch Party" turned out to be something completely
> different than I had expected... the women were very concerned with
> selling the business, not the actual products. The business was
> pushed for over an hour, and it just confirmed my suspicions that the
> company might not be so shiny and wonderful. I was trying not to be
> negative though... I thought the women getting carried away with the
> Mercedes Benz and the chance to get together to have wine & cheese
> once or twice a week and the chance to do something different was
> maybe causing all this buzz. So I tried to keep out of it and just
> let her do her thing.
> I came over one day and saw all the inventory she had
> purchased. She asked me if I would want to become a consultant for
> the $29, and that I would get a discount, etc. I said No. I
> reminded her that I am but a lowly Graduate Student making an
> entry-level salary while paying an outrageous rent. She didn't
> mention it again for the rest of the day. I helped her format her
> e-mail and listened for what seemed like hours about the company and
> the products, she was excited... I was happy for her, but still wary
> of what might happen.
> Each time I visited or talked to her on the phone after that,
> she tried to get me to become a consultant or to get my friends to
> become consultants. I told her to forward me the e-mail she was
> planning on sending out to her friends and that I would pass it on to
> the women in my address book. She did, and I did. Still the pushing
> continued. Every conversation was ruled by Arbonne... she had gotten
> a Blackberry to manage all the e-mails, everyone in her neighborhood
> and all their friends and relatives were becoming consultants, she
> was printing business cards and pamphlets and getting a briefcase and
> more inventory and a travel case for all of it and attending what
> seemed like a dozen parties a month.
> I felt like I was losing my sister entirely!
>
> Then I was diagnosed with a heart problem. I was told that I
> would be undergoing an exploratory surgery to determine the cause of
> my heart's irregular beating. I called my sister. I cried a lot. I
> told her I was scared and that I was skipping work for the rest of
> the day to come over. I was there for about 15 minutes before the
> conversation turned to Arbonne. I knew my sister must be "drinking
> the Kool-Aid." Why else would she be so preoccupied?
> explain it. The surgery was on a Wednesday, my dad had flown in the
> night before and we were to be at the hospital at 6 AM. My sister
> had called earlier in the week to tell me that although she felt bad,
> she wouldn't be able to make it over to my place much during the week
> after the surgery. She hoped to at least come to the hospital for a
> little while, but she was so busy with Arbonne that she wasn't sure.
> My dad was staying in town for the week to help me out and I was
> happy, I hadn't seen him in awhile. The surgery went fine, and the
> night I returned home, my sister brought dinner to my apartment (she
> hadn't ended up coming to the hospital).
> My sister had also brought a get-well present. Three of the
> five pieces of a face wash kit. She also brought her breifcase with
> her binders of information and I could tell she couldn't wait to
> start talking about the company whenever the moment arose. She had
> already talked about it 5 times by the time we were cleaning up after
> dinner... and at one point I said to her that I was happy she had
> given me the products, that now I could try them out and tell my
> friends, that maybe they would buy something. She again started
> pushing them becoming consultants. I told her what I had always been
> telling her about it. My friends are young and just starting out. A
> lot of them are in Graduate School, the others are in entry-level
> jobs. They do not have money to spend on expensive skin care or on
> buying an inventory. They do not have time to spend on building up a
> customer base or a "Downline " They see Arbonne as a Pyramid scheme.
> I had said the WRONG two words. The rampage that ensued at
> this point cannot be adequately described in words. She screamed in
> my face for the next 30 minutes. In front of my dad, on the night I
> returned from the HOSPITAL. "Just as my job had trained me to do
> what I do", her job had trained her that people with my attitude are
> negative and closed-minded. She stated this with an anger and force
> that I had rarely seen in her before. I was ignorant. I was
> closed-minded. I didn't support her. I wasn't proud of her. I was
> an immature brat. I couldn't be happy for someone else. If I didn't
> support her, then I wasn't someone she wanted to be around. (!?!) I
> could barely get a word in... and when I did, I used the chance to
> state this fact. She said that I always had to be right. At one
> point she told me that my friends would have to buy thousands of
> products to make a difference and to even begin to help her out at
> this point, me and my "two friends." That one really hurt. She knew
> it had been hard for me recently... that I had only a few close
> friends in our area... I had graduated, my college friends and I all
> moved to different cities!
>
> I am shocked that my sister could be so rude and act so
> horribly toward anyone, let alone me! I feel as if I don't know her
> any more and we haven't spoken since the blowout. I felt terrible
> for calling what she was doing a Pyramid scheme... I felt that I
> shouldn't have put down something she was so excited about and maybe
> I should just call her and take the blame for what had happened.
> Then I spoke to the college friend I had first heard about
> Arbonne from. She said that a close friend of her parents' had
> become a consultant and that she had done a complete 180. She was no
> longer the unique, informed, well-spoken and well-liked person she
> had been only months before. She was now pushing my friend so much
> that the friend had to be rude back to her. She was forced to be
> completely rude to a long-time friend of her family, which made her
> feel extremely uncomfortable. I realized then that maybe I hadn't
> been entirely at fault for the argument.... and then I found an
> entire message board on Yahoo! called a "survivors" club! This has
> backed up my initial reaction to Arbonne.
>
> So this is why I decided to join this message board. Phew!
> If anyone is still reading this by now... I just wanted to get my
> story off my chest, and to see if anyone had any advice on how to
> deal with the situation. Should I try to repair the damage by
> apologizing? Should I give her time to realize that she's lost a
> sister and a friend and maybe she will come around?
> I really have no experience with MLMs or anything similar. I've read
> conflicting stories about Arbonne... I don't know WHAT to think about
> the company itself. From what she said they "taught" her... it
> sounded like brainwashing and I was shocked she's be taken in by it!
> Please let me know if there are any articles in particular I should
> read about it or if anyone out there has some advice! Thank you so
> much!
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