Sister:
When you said she was more interested in selling the business than
the product, that made me think of a melaleuca party I attended at
my niece's home. Once they ran through a few products, the phones
came out of the woodwork and there were 3 gals cruising through the
living room and dining room announcing that they had 3 open phone
line with which to call in to get people signed up. I sat there
thinking, what the heck is going on here.
Mary
--- In mlmsurvivorsclub@
<tink134@...
>
>
> Thanks for responding, Hal!
> You can call me Roxy by the way.
>
> I knew there had been some brainwashing going on when she kept
saying
> that I'm negative and that I just have a bad attitude about things
and
> just because she didn't go to college as long as I have doesn't
mean
> that she isn't capable of doing this business. I took that as a
sign
> that someone had told her that this situation would arise, and
there
> are specific ways to deal with it.
> As for the comment about people lending her money... her husband is
> very wealthy. She is doing this basically because everyone in her
> circle of friends is doing it and I also suspect because she has
been
> regretting her decision to be a stay-at-home mom. She needed to do
> something that would get her out of the house, I could tell she had
> been feeling trapped for the past few years. So I feel that
because
> money is basically no object, her husband has tons to just give to
> her... that's exactly what is going to happen. Maybe until
there's a
> point that he realizes she's spending too much and making too
little.
> All the other women in her circle of friends are in this to "become
> rich on their own" to "get that white Mercedes" and a number of
other
> "perks" their greedy little eyes light up over when talking about
this
> company.
>
> My sister has only ever gotten into a fight like this with me once
> before, and she was having a rough patch with her husband, I was
> living there at the time and I think the combo of other things
going
> on in her life then contributed to that particular fight.
> But she has never acted the way she did when she was "defending"
Arbonne.
>
> I really want to know if at some point these people sit you down
and
> tell you that anyone in your life that isn't on board with this is
> your enemy and that everyone who disagrees with the company is
> closed-minded?
> Being "closed-minded" and "ignorant" were the LAST things I would
> expect to be called, especially from her! She knows I'm not
> closed-minded.
up
> with in the past to help herself... she was doing interior design
for
> awhile and she was great at it! She gave that up to become a
> consultant. And ignorant?? I think not. I am extremely
informed...
> I read the news all day long, I have one degree and I'm working on
> another! Far from ignorant by most peoples' standards!
>
> I just wish there was something I could do to help her see that
this
> is going to alienate her from our family... my dad doesn't even
want
> to be in the same room as her any more! She's a totally different
> person and it's scary. I feel that I should at the very least send
> back the "get well" gift. Maybe I should hold back on sending her
a
> note that I am here to support her? I really DON'T support
this!! I
> see it as a scam, point blank.
>
> -Roxy
>
> --- In mlmsurvivorsclub@
> >
> > First, what do you want us to call you? (I'm not asking for a
real
> > name, but it'd be nice to call you something other than
> > bonneoumauvais.
> >
> > More importantly: You hit the nail on the head. Your sister
drank the
> > cool aid. She is, at this point, literally brainwashed. Would
your
> > sister normally behave at all the way she has under Arbonne? I
don't
> > know. You'll have to answer that one, but I doubt she would.
> >
> > We can offer support, but we can't fix this and neither can you.
> She is
> > being told that her whole life should be Arbonne and if she has
a spare
> > few bucks, she should invest it. If she has a spare few
minutes, she
> > should invest it. If you've seen Star Trek, she has become a
borg
> > drone.
> >
> > This is exactly what the Abronne people want: They want her to
> listen to
> > her over anyone else, they want her to consider them the source
of all
> > knowledge and wisdom and they want to control her thinking,
which she
> > has. The reaction she showed to the words "pyramid scheme" are
> > typical: she is in denial. At some level she knows what it is
and you
> > dared to tell her the truth. That's not what she wants to hear,
so
> > when you said that she had to react to avoid facing the truth.
> >
> > I wish I had good news, but basically at this point all you can
do
> is be
> > there for her and nod and say yes at the right times and
politely stay
> > back from her. She really believes this is the best thing on
this
> > Earth and will believe whatever they tell her to believe.
> >
> > If/when she comes out of this, she'll feel like dirt because
she'll
> > realize that when you needed her, she wasn't there but you've
been
> > there for her all along. At that point, you can use that to
help her
> > understand what the issue is with a group like Arbonne and it
may take
> > hold.
> >
> > Until then, she is brainwashed and the first thing you can do is
make
> > sure she doesn't suck in your family or friends and cost them
money.
> > As painful as it is, you can't stop her from going broke or into
debt
> > or from messing up her own life. It's like she's an alcoholic:
you
> > can't do a thing to effectively stop her until she hits bottom
and
> > realizes how much trouble she's in.
> >
> > Make sure nobody lends or gives her money. She needs to run out
of
> > money as quickly as possible. If your parents, for example,
keep
> > lending her money, then they're letting her continue. If, on
the other
> > hand, it comes down to she's spent all the money and her
husband's
> > paycheck isn't due for another week and they're there to turn
off cable
> > or power and nobody helps out, then she'll first say everyone is
not
> > supporting her, and second, she'll have to start dealing with
reality.
> > For some this happens when the first bill is paid late, for
others it
> > happens when a service is cut off. For others, it happens when
they're
> > alone and in the gutter.
> >
> > That sounds tough, but if people keep enabling her so she can
keep
> > spending money then she won't see what kind of damage this is
doing to
> > her and her family. She will need to fall and see how bad
things are
> > on her own.
> >
> > It's not easy to deal with, but we're here to listen and help!
> >
> > Hal
> >
> >
> > On Monday 17 March 2008, bonneoumauvais wrote:
> > > Hello,
> > >
> > > I am new here, and also to MLMs in general... so bear
with me
> > > please! I found this group while doing a simple search about
MLMs
> > > and what they are all about because my sister has recently
become a
> > > consultant for Arbonne International. I wanted to get some
> > > information on how companies like hers can impact families and
> > > relationships. Judging on the rules of the site I assume the
first
> > > thing I should do is introduce myself and the reason I am
here, so
> > > here goes...
> > >
> > > I am in my early 20's, I have a BA and am currently
working
> > > towards an MA. I work full-time in the Environmental field
and love
> > > it so far, although as I've heard many times over, this is
bound to
> > > change after I've been working full-time for a few more
years! =P
> > > Favorite things: I love to travel, especially to urban areas, I
> > > snowboard, read anything and everything I can get my hands on,
and
> > > love to be outside doing anything (or nothing) at all. I also
value
> > > and love my family very much, which brings me to why I joined
this
> > > group.
> > > My sister and I have not always been close because we
are about
> > > 10 years apart in age, but we have become very close in the
last 6 or
> > > 7 years. I usually speak to her a few times a week and we
live near
> > > each other, so I visit when my schedule allows... not as often
as I
> > > would like, sadly. I used to live with her and her family on
breaks
> > > from college. She is a stay at home mom and has a husband and
two
> > > children. She has always been a positive force in my life,
sometimes
> > > more of a mother figure than a sister really... but has always
been a
> > > great sister!
> > >
> > > Months ago, she told me that she was going to become a
> > > consultant for a company called Arbonne International, which I
had
> > > also heard of through a college friend. I honestly told her
to be
> > > careful and to make sure she did background research on the
company
> > > before she got in over her head. She probably didn't like
getting
> > > advice from her little sister, but what's done is done. Maybe
I
> > > shouldn't have said anything, but I was worried that she was
getting
> > > caught up in something that could turn out to be a scam. At
first,
> > > she seemed to be doing so well, she always sounded excited and
> > > happy... she was making a lot of new friends, and other women
she is
> > > friends with were also signing on. She invited me and my
coworker to
> > > her "Launch Party" and gave me a catalog to look at before the
event.
> > > I arrived early to give her a hand with food/drink
preparations, and
> > > was excited to see her friends, who are always a lot of fun.
> > > The "Launch Party" turned out to be something completely
> > > different than I had expected... the women were very concerned
with
> > > selling the business, not the actual products. The business
was
> > > pushed for over an hour, and it just confirmed my suspicions
that the
> > > company might not be so shiny and wonderful. I was trying not
to be
> > > negative though... I thought the women getting carried away
with the
> > > Mercedes Benz and the chance to get together to have wine &
cheese
> > > once or twice a week and the chance to do something different
was
> > > maybe causing all this buzz. So I tried to keep out of it and
just
> > > let her do her thing.
> > > I came over one day and saw all the inventory she had
> > > purchased. She asked me if I would want to become a consultant
for
> > > the $29, and that I would get a discount, etc. I said No. I
> > > reminded her that I am but a lowly Graduate Student making an
> > > entry-level salary while paying an outrageous rent. She didn't
> > > mention it again for the rest of the day. I helped her format
her
> > > e-mail and listened for what seemed like hours about the
company and
> > > the products, she was excited... I was happy for her, but
still wary
> > > of what might happen.
> > > Each time I visited or talked to her on the phone after
that,
> > > she tried to get me to become a consultant or to get my
friends to
> > > become consultants. I told her to forward me the e-mail she
was
> > > planning on sending out to her friends and that I would pass
it on to
> > > the women in my address book. She did, and I did. Still the
pushing
> > > continued. Every conversation was ruled by Arbonne... she had
gotten
> > > a Blackberry to manage all the e-mails, everyone in her
neighborhood
> > > and all their friends and relatives were becoming consultants,
she
> > > was printing business cards and pamphlets and getting a
briefcase and
> > > more inventory and a travel case for all of it and attending
what
> > > seemed like a dozen parties a month.
> > > I felt like I was losing my sister entirely!
> > >
> > > Then I was diagnosed with a heart problem. I was told
that I
> > > would be undergoing an exploratory surgery to determine the
cause of
> > > my heart's irregular beating. I called my sister. I cried a
lot. I
> > > told her I was scared and that I was skipping work for the
rest of
> > > the day to come over. I was there for about 15 minutes before
the
> > > conversation turned to Arbonne. I knew my sister must
be "drinking
> > > the Kool-Aid." Why else would she be so preoccupied?
couldn't
> > > explain it. The surgery was on a Wednesday, my dad had flown
in the
> > > night before and we were to be at the hospital at 6 AM. My
sister
> > > had called earlier in the week to tell me that although she
felt bad,
> > > she wouldn't be able to make it over to my place much during
the week
> > > after the surgery. She hoped to at least come to the hospital
for a
> > > little while, but she was so busy with Arbonne that she wasn't
sure.
> > > My dad was staying in town for the week to help me out and I
was
> > > happy, I hadn't seen him in awhile. The surgery went fine,
and the
> > > night I returned home, my sister brought dinner to my
apartment (she
> > > hadn't ended up coming to the hospital).
> > > My sister had also brought a get-well present. Three of
the
> > > five pieces of a face wash kit. She also brought her
breifcase with
> > > her binders of information and I could tell she couldn't wait
to
> > > start talking about the company whenever the moment arose.
She had
> > > already talked about it 5 times by the time we were cleaning
up after
> > > dinner... and at one point I said to her that I was happy she
had
> > > given me the products, that now I could try them out and tell
my
> > > friends, that maybe they would buy something. She again
started
> > > pushing them becoming consultants. I told her what I had
always been
> > > telling her about it. My friends are young and just starting
out. A
> > > lot of them are in Graduate School, the others are in entry-
level
> > > jobs. They do not have money to spend on expensive skin care
or on
> > > buying an inventory. They do not have time to spend on
building up a
> > > customer base or a "Downline " They see Arbonne as a Pyramid
scheme.
> > > I had said the WRONG two words. The rampage that ensued
at
> > > this point cannot be adequately described in words. She
screamed in
> > > my face for the next 30 minutes. In front of my dad, on the
night I
> > > returned from the HOSPITAL. "Just as my job had trained me to
do
> > > what I do", her job had trained her that people with my
attitude are
> > > negative and closed-minded. She stated this with an anger and
force
> > > that I had rarely seen in her before. I was ignorant. I was
> > > closed-minded. I didn't support her. I wasn't proud of her.
I was
> > > an immature brat. I couldn't be happy for someone else. If I
didn't
> > > support her, then I wasn't someone she wanted to be around.
(!?!) I
> > > could barely get a word in... and when I did, I used the
chance to
> > > state this fact. She said that I always had to be right. At
one
> > > point she told me that my friends would have to buy thousands
of
> > > products to make a difference and to even begin to help her
out at
> > > this point, me and my "two friends." That one really hurt.
She knew
> > > it had been hard for me recently... that I had only a few close
> > > friends in our area... I had graduated, my college friends and
I all
> > > moved to different cities!
> > >
> > > I am shocked that my sister could be so rude and act so
> > > horribly toward anyone, let alone me! I feel as if I don't
know her
> > > any more and we haven't spoken since the blowout. I felt
terrible
> > > for calling what she was doing a Pyramid scheme... I felt that
I
> > > shouldn't have put down something she was so excited about and
maybe
> > > I should just call her and take the blame for what had
happened.
> > > Then I spoke to the college friend I had first heard
about
> > > Arbonne from. She said that a close friend of her parents' had
> > > become a consultant and that she had done a complete 180. She
was no
> > > longer the unique, informed, well-spoken and well-liked person
she
> > > had been only months before. She was now pushing my friend so
much
> > > that the friend had to be rude back to her. She was forced to
be
> > > completely rude to a long-time friend of her family, which
made her
> > > feel extremely uncomfortable. I realized then that maybe I
hadn't
> > > been entirely at fault for the argument.... and then I found an
> > > entire message board on Yahoo! called a "survivors" club!
This has
> > > backed up my initial reaction to Arbonne.
> > >
> > > So this is why I decided to join this message board. Phew!
> > > If anyone is still reading this by now... I just wanted to get
my
> > > story off my chest, and to see if anyone had any advice on how
to
> > > deal with the situation. Should I try to repair the damage by
> > > apologizing? Should I give her time to realize that she's lost
a
> > > sister and a friend and maybe she will come around?
> > > I really have no experience with MLMs or anything similar.
I've read
> > > conflicting stories about Arbonne... I don't know WHAT to
think about
> > > the company itself. From what she said they "taught" her... it
> > > sounded like brainwashing and I was shocked she's be taken in
by it!
> > > Please let me know if there are any articles in particular I
should
> > > read about it or if anyone out there has some advice! Thank
you so
> > > much!
> >
>
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