On Thursday 01 November 2007, hlnlovell wrote:
> Hey Everyone,
>
> I would like to ask for a little bit of advice. My boyfriend used
> to be an RVP at Primerica. Now he works a standard 9-5 job in which
> he is winning all sorts of awards. I still have a few concerns.
Helen, I remember you and remember talking about this, but don't
remember the full story. Can you give us a quick reminder of your
situation, just so those of us who are a bit senile can "reconnect"
with your situation? I don't mean long details, just a quick reminder?
> First, he thinks the managers at his present job don't know what
> they are doing. So he is planning on giving them all a copy of a
> primerica book on how to manage a business. Fortunately it is out of
> print and he is having trouble finding it. This makes me think he
> has not quite gotten over Primerica.
This reminds me of a cocky young snit who thought he knew it all and had
the unmitigated gall to challenge the producers of a nationwide TV show
before he had ever sold a script. When I -- er, this young fool,
pitched story ideas to Star Trek, it was to one of the executive
producers and every script tried to "outsmart" them by fixing the
perceived flaws in their format.
Every script with a fix was turned down flat. I, er, I mean my
friend -- yeah, that's it, my friend, finally realized that they
preferred the flaws as they were. Each flaw was due to other reasons.
In many cases a flaw was a compromise to solve a larger problem.
Without experience, a new writer would not see why they made some of the
choices they made. For a new person to think he knows how to fix
points like that without knowing the story about why the problems are
there in the first place. The kindest thing to believe about a person
with this attitude is that they are ignorant. The least kind thing is
that they are doing it out of arrogance (as was my friend's case, if
one must be honest).
Tell him to put himself in their place. If he had a business or were
running a business and someone came in and told him what he was doing
wrong, how would he feel? If he says he'd be glad they were helping,
ask if he would wonder if they knew more than he did and would it be
possible they might end up in his job if that were true?
That's just an example, but get him to think about what his bosses would
feel by putting himself in their place. Use that to help him see that
if he comes in with such "precious knowledge", as he surely believes
these books are, that they would want to get rid of him as quickly as
possible because anyone that wise would be a threat to them.
Then, also, get him to think about it from the producer's point of view
in the story above. They have a system that works for them. They like
it and have likely developed it. Then someone else comes in and
says, "This system stinks. Here's a better one." At that point it
gets personal. I know he doesn't think it does and that they're all
professionals, but life doesn't work that neatly.
If they have an underling who knows so much more than they do, then
they're going to resent him, treat him like dirt, try to force him to
quit, or even fire him.
If, on the other hand, they know business and have reasons for doing
things their way then there's a good chance he can't see the entire
system and if he starts telling them what to do, they will see him as
arrogant and ignorant. In this case, they have an underling that
thinks he knows a lot but does not yet see the limit of his knowledge.
You can help him to see that point as well.
Telling your bosses how to fix things can never go well. I wish it
could, but it doesn't work. I know if I hired someone who started
telling me how to change everything, I'd have an ad in the paper pretty
quickly. That'd be my solution to fixing the big problems in the
office. That employee might see things he perceives as problems. If
they're problems to me, I'd have fixed them -- if I wanted to. I'm
paying him, not vice versa, and part of his job is to put up with me
and my quirks, which means I'm the boss, so we do things MY way. I've
worked in many jobs and never held one (except one teaching position)
longer than a year. I learned a lot of different systems and one
reason I have my company is to do things MY way.
Oh, and one reason I held so many jobs is because I tried to tell my
bosses what they were doing wrong.
On the other hand, maybe he's stubborn and just needs to learn that
doing things like this is stupid. It might take him several jobs, but
he might have to "get it" the hard way.
Another point might be to help him decide if those principles worked for
him in Primerica. They didn't, so he's out. These people have a
company where everyone is making money, nobody is left out of the loop.
They all get a salary and nobody's going into debt like he was, so this
is a completely different structure. Much of what he's heard won't
work for them.
Americans worship the maverick, and that name probably reminds most of
us of "Top Gun," where Tom Cruise's handle was Maverick. We like to
think the individual is supreme and that the one who breaks the rules
will make it, but a boss in business wants to know that his underlings
will follow the rules. They don't want mavericks. Look at the
movie "Top Gun." Did the commanders like him? No. Would they have
canned him if they could have? Yes. It's that way in every "maverick"
story. The maverick does what he wants and the guys on top don't want
him. True, in movies and stories the maverick wins, but always at the
expense of the system or "The Man." And The Man knows those stories as
well. When he sees he's got a maverick, he's going to want to take him
down, either because he's a threat to his own power or because he's a
wild card and unreliable in terms of following instructions.
> Secondly, he is still a district something-or-
> steps lower.
I'm not clear if you mean this is his title in Primerica or his real
job. If it's his real job, then learn his title. Know it. Use it at
times and say it with respect for a man with such a title and power.
Men have egos and those egos need stroking. People often define
themselves with titles and need to know that title brings respect. His
self respect has been through a serious hosing down due to Primerica.
It will help a lot in terms of positive reinforcement and in terms of
him learning to operate in business if you help him respect his
position. Don't overdo it, but this can help a LOT.
If it's in Primerica, then forget the preceding paragraph.
> Which means he is not "allowed" to advance to an RVP
> position again.
What's RVP and what's this mean? Why can't he advance again?
> It also frees him of managing an office and Saturday
> meetings. Nor does he go to any other meetings. However he is
> collecting money from previous clients every month. I do not feel
> right about him collecting money from this organization. He is in
> desperate need of cash and this brings in income. I am not sure how
> to approach this one. He is making money without doing anything but
> I don't like the source.
Dinner on the table or ethics. Do you eat your pride or hamburger? How
much is he "ripping" anyone off? Are they getting what they paid for?
We can't help much with this, but if it bothers you, then it's up to
you to find a way to come to terms with it, one way or the other.
> Thirdly, he still has his IRA with Primerica. I have mine in
> Vanguard. Mine is doing extremely well and I keep hinting he should
> move his money. However is convinced that Primerica is as good as
> Vanguard and moving the money would not gain him anything.
Numbers can prove points here. How much have you put in and how much
has it grown? How is the account managed?
> How do I get him to finally break the chain with Primerica? Now
> that he is not as engaged with Primerica he is looking at people
> differently. They are no longer potential clients or recruits they
> are potential friends.
At this point, life, experience, or time will do it more than you. He
has to make choices now.
> Also he is seeing the benefits of a real job. Now when he is sick
> he goes to the doctor with a $10.00 co-pay. He has time to do
> things that he wants when he is off work. Lastly he is not as
> stressed about money, now that he knows he has a steady paycheck.
> Although some months are better then others.
Keep bringing these things up. Discuss them and help him connect with
with what he likes about a job. Get him to settle into this life and
enjoy it. Then, when that's going well, if he wants to do more, it's
time to talk about saving and making investments.
> Has anyone ever been in this situation? How do you get someone to
> take that leap of faith and let go of the past?
They have to do it on their own.
Hal
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