Thanks Hal. It comes from 10 YEARS of bad relationships (2
relationships each for 5 years). During all the fights, begging,
pleading, promising, threatening, etc. I finally figured out that you
can't change another person, ultimatums don't work, and you have to
follow through with what you say. All the while, you have to maintain
respect for yourself and the other person.
I think my approach avoids the ultimatum ("Pick me, or
else"). "Respects" their decision. (As bad as their decision may
be). And most importantly shows self respect. (Since I do not want X
in my life, I am choosing something else.)
While we cannot control others, we CAN control our response to them.
So, for example, when I say to an alcoholic that I can not have
alcohol in my home and my life, so I choose not to be with him,
that's not an ultimatum. That is my personal choice.
What he does after that is HIS problem, not mine. And THAT is how I
get to keep my self respect.
Similarly, if MLM (Primerica) is the thing that is tearing apart your
home and your family, you have a choice. Let it continue to ruin your
life or choose something else (not another MLM).
On another note, I don't think you are being hard on her. I think you
are being supportive of what should be done in order for her to have
the most out of her life. Now let's hope that it doesn't fall on deaf
ears. I am hoping we will see a post where she used some of the
advice we gave.
>
> Oooh! Vikki, you are GOOD. That is an excellent way to put it.
>
>
> Yes. Remember this.
>
> Hal
>
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