Thank you so much for your wise words and your insight- I'm so
dependent on them right now- you have no idea. Thank you.
--- In mlmsurvivorsclub@
wrote:
>
> Your situation sounds grave indeed and my heart goes out to you.
> I've read the responses posted so far and echo all the advice
> offered.
>
> Although I'm not a licensed counsellor I volunteered for many
years
> as a Rape Crisis Intervention Counsellor and learned a lot about
the
> cycle of abuse through training and experience. Your daughter
will
> be led to believe, and will eventually believe wholeheartedly if
she
> doesn't already, that she is the root cause of the violence
> demonstrated against her. A sad desperate fact that keeps most
> victims in an abusive relationship despite caring friends/family
> pleading for them to leave. That said, it's important now to try
> keeping her self-esteem and confidence at an all time high.
>
> Crisis Intervention Centers, Women's Shelters, CPS or the Domestic
> Violence Unit of your local PD (if such a unit exits in your area)
> may have some valuable advice as to what you can do at this point
so
> you may try calling them now. They may also know of support
groups
> that you can join to keep yourself emotionally strong. You will
> hear some horrific stories that need to be told so you can
> comprehend the urgency of staying involved. If you were to ask an
> employee from my son's school who recently lost her daughter to
> domestic violence I know she'd tell you to stay in touch. Ask
> questions without pointing fingers. Show concern without
appearing
> demanding. Leave her with resources to turn to should she not feel
> comfortable turning to you (e.g., information regarding Women's
> Shelters if any in the area, crisis intervention phone numbers,
> programming the local police # in to her cell phone... in our area
> dialing 911 from a cell will get the highway patrol, our local
> police department lists the emergency # to dial from a cell phone,
> perhaps her area will too). Essentially it'll seem like your
> sending the "You made your bed..." message but ultimately you'll
> letting her know that you can't live her life for her but that you
> do care and this what she needs to do "for herself" (have a
suitcase
> ready, a secret checking account, etc). If she does make the
> decision to flee, and I hope she comes to that conclusion on her
> own, then she may decide to hide from everyone for a while and
will
> need to know that she can pull that off.
>
> Waiting it out is way easier said than done I know. I'm one of
> those highly emotional people so, if wearing your shoes, I'd be
> tempted to march right in to my daughter's home and drag her out
by
> the hair if necessary. Unfortunately that never works. Your
> husband's idea of keeping the lines of communication open is right
> on target. Perhaps extending invitations to take your daughter
out
> to lunch/dinner and/or just spending time with her and your
> grandchild for a family outing (park, zoo, etc) may be helpful.
> Victims sometimes feel more comfortable meeting in a public forum
as
> they know it lends itself to fewer shouting matches if that's what
> the tendency has been in the past. Your husband can, and should,
> meet with her by himself if you feel you're likely to take charge
of
> the matter (as I would be!). Also, if it's only your husband that
> meets with her then his request to leave her husband at home may
be
> honored. Again, no demands. If her husband shows up then gulp
your
> dinner, talk about the weather and politely leave. Re-invite, ask
> for him not to be there and eventually he won't be. As long as
your
> meetings are amicable and your daughter feels comfortable in your
> presence she will eventually show up on her own (remember,
> unfortunately, you're the "bad guys" now, not her husband!)
>
> As mother's we want to help and heal. Sometimes a victim doesn't
> feel comfortable turning to family so if this happens in your case
> it's, sadly, just part of the cycle. Sometimes victims fear
the "I
> told you so" accusations or are simply too embarrassed to call.
> Oftentimes, too, victims long for that deep remorse abusers show
> after an incident (e.g., gifts, affection, etc) so seek
> a "temporary" safe haven to give the abuser a chance to calm
down.
> Employees/volunteer
> getting victims to think more logically about their situation as
> they, aside from having been trained in crisis intervention, are
> more emotionally removed from the situtation than a family member
> would be.
>
> Whatever you do, don't loose touch. Personally, I think getting
her
> out of the abusive relationship is way more important that putting
> any effort in to discouraging her involvement in Quixtar. That
> doesn't mean I support any MLM involvement, I'm just trying to
think
> of what's more critical at this stage.
>
> Please keep us posted as I pray in earnest that the challenges you
> face soon come to a peaceful conclusion.
>
> --- In mlmsurvivorsclub@
> <gardeningkelly@
> >
> > Hi- I wrote last in May, that my daughter was being brainwashed
by
> > her husband's family. Thanks for the support and the
information
> I
> > received. I'm freightened to even write this, because I see I
> could
> > have hidden my e-mail name, but I'm so frantic at this point I
> don't
> > care. She has been married a little over a year and instantly
> > became involved with Quixtar through his family, who live in
Arden
> > Hills, MN. They are under Mr. Smith who is under Burt Gulick.
I
> > have spent the past couple of months reading everything I can
get
> > ahold of and gathering my information and trying to be very
> careful
> > with what I say. In the meantime, her husband began physically
> > abusing her. Another instance, the husband and his sister
> kidnapped
> > the baby (she was breastfeeding) and wouldn't tell her where the
> > baby was for over 3 hours. After his, she came home and refused
> to
> > go back until he received anger management counselilng. He
> > supposedly was going, until we discovered that he had lied about
> > it. The got "marriage counseling" from their "upline". (Can
you
> > tell how frantic I am?) There have been 3 major instances of
> > physical abuse, the last one was last weekend in Missouri at the
> > Quixtar Family Reunion in (Osage Beach?) Missouri. They got
into
> a
> > physical altercation and our daughter called us and asked us to
> come
> > and get her as she said she as afraid he was going to kill her.
> We
> > called his parents, and his mother, a long-time Amway sales
> > prostitute from hell, proceeded to tell us why his violence was
> all
> > my daughter's fault for starting the argument in the first
place,
> > and they would be counseled by Mr. Smith. We got into a
shouting
> > match on the phone, and I insisted this time that if they
thought
> > they were going to have their upline "counsel" them again and
> > anything happened to my duaghter, I was going to sue them, Mr.
> > Smith, Mr. Gulick, all the way up to that motherfucker Yager,
> excuse
> > my language, with every cent and breath I had until my dying
day.
> > Well, suddenly my duaghter's visit was canceled, the son came to
> > pick up the dog and wouldn't let me see my grandchild, and I got
a
> > phone message from my daughter that I could never see my
> grandchild
> > again or her future children because I "teach bad (negative)
> things"
> > and "yes, mom, family members who aren't in Quixtar get pushed
> away
> > by us because we grow and you don't". My husband is trying to
> keep
> > the lines of communication open to her. I fear for her life and
> her
> > safety and my grandchild's safety. I'm so damned sick of
hearing
> > those Amway quips "Quitters never win!" "Leaders are
> > readers!" "Stay positive!". I'm still reading the online book,
> I'm
> > halfway through the Smoke and Mirrors book. I'm despirate, I
feel
> > like I'm a caged animal, I feel like I'm at the edge of a lake
> > watching my child drown and someone is holding me back from
> swimming
> > out to save her. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I'm feeling
like
> > this is a nightmare I'll never wake up from. Help.
> >
>
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