Hal, I'm not very good at this computer and how to communicate on it
and all that stuff- there must be some abbreviation or symbol for
this- I could just hug you, your concern and help has made me cry,
and I'm following your advice to a 't'; getting it all written down,
have the numbers for the shelters both in my town and hers, set up a
coupld of cash stashes for her, and I confided in a friend who
happens to be both mine and her doctor. You are fabulous and I
thank you and will update you more after Tuesday.
--- In mlmsurvivorsclub@
>
> On Thursday 12 July 2007, gardeningkelly wrote:
> > Thank you, thank you all, I'm making a list of all the advice- It
> > just SO HELPS that I don't feel like I'm the only one in the
whole
> > world who sees how dangerous this is and I don't feel so crazy
and
> > frantic anymore.
>
> That is *EXACTLY* why we are here! This group was here for me
when I
> was dating a Quackstar IBDrone and now we're here for you. We are
a
> survivor's group and we're here to help you survive this
experience
> and, we desperately hope, to help your daughter survive this, get
out,
> and have the time and space to see herself as the wonderful person
she
> is and that her husband could not face. We are your shoulder to
cry on
> and we are people that want to help you get through this. We are
a
> resource and hope you will make full use of what we can offer.
>
> > She did call yesterday,
>
> That, in itself, is fantastic news. Her husband was probably
pushing
> her to "ban" you from her life (I'm guessing here) and that was
likely
> where the "forever" statements were coming from. It's a good sign
> she's still talking to you.
>
> > we 'smoothed' things out
> > for now- she started going into how I can talk to the uplines if
I
> > want now- but now I don't think I will, based on your advice. I
> > think it just antagonized them to rally the wagons around her. I
> > did try talking to the husband the day before, that went so-
so... he
> > was defending his mother. We will make a safety plan, and i'll
try
> > and see her this weekend or next week- she seems fine on the
phone
> > now- I guess it's called the "honeymoon" period.
>
> Yes. They're on good behavior. Deep down inside they know
they've been
> naughty and don't want to be caught now. Consciously they'll
never
> realize this.
>
> > When she called I
> > said we should just try to avoid talking about the business, and
she
> > said 'but mom, I just want to share my successes with you'. Is
that
> > normal Quixtar talk?
>
> Yes, it is.
>
> This is a time to ask questions, to probe to make her think -- at
least
> it would be under "normal" circumstances. Questions like, "How do
you
> define success?" Let her define it, then ask questions like ,So
how
> many people are in your downline? How much are you making in
actual
> profit each month? In other words, the questions would get her to
> think so she realizes she does not have the success she thinks she
> does.
>
> HOWEVER: In this case, if she starts thinking about that, she may
start
> questioning her husband, and that can lead to violence. It's a
VERY
> fine line. The trick is to get HER to realize she's not safe and
has
> to leave him. If you tell her that, she can always question it,
but if
> she figures it out, she can never doubt it. That's the first
goal.
> It'd be great to get her to see that Quackstar is a scam, but if
she
> does and starts questioning that openly, her husband will react.
It's
> a very fine line (as I said) and you have to walk it carefully.
>
> Also, remember, if she leaves him, there's a divorce and court.
Scamway
> does not take well to these things unless they can brand her as
> negative and that means, by their rules, if she's negative, they
can
> walk all over her and she no longer "counts." This is another
reason
> you want documentation for any physical abuse, any emotional
battery,
> any threats, or anything else. They might get their upline to
help
> with lawyers, but if it's clear that you have evidence on your
side
> that their perfect IBOs aren't acting like good little Christians
(and
> I mean that derisively, not toward Christians, but towards the
Yager
> emulation of them), they will probably want to give up so nothing
gets
> out.
>
> > Is that the emotional tugging or whatever?
> > What do I say to that?
>
> Questions. Always questions. Give us all her drone-speak and
we'll
> help with the questions. After a while you'll get the hang of it.
>
> > Every time I even think of her stupid
> > business my blood boils- yes, hard to keep my mouth shut and I
know
> > I have to, so I'll give it my best shot.
>
> That is one of the hardest parts of your job now. The other is
waiting.
>
> > My husband doesn't see the
> > danger in the business- that they all rally around and try to
> > isolate her from us, esp when he hurt her. I just hate them.
>
> Would your husband be convinced by websites documenting the lies
and
> deceit in this whole thing?
>
>
> > I
> > think I need to stay totally away from them because I can
usually be
> > civil except when something like this happens.
>
> I can understand that perfectly. If you weren't a good Mother,
you
> wouldn't feel that. It's quite normal.
>
> We care. Let us know what's going on and how we can help!
>
> Hal
>
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