On Tuesday 17 July 2007, narcissedespres wrote:
> > When you first used the term wheel, I thought about a wheel
> > turning, like a cycle, and was hoping it would show the abuse
> > patterns over time, including the pattern of the abuser going so
> > far the victim finally rebels, leading to the abuser behaving
> > "extra nicely" for a period of time, then slowly ramping up the
> > abusive and controlling behavior. I'd love to find that in print
> > to use at times.
> >
> > Hal
>
> Hi Hal- Is this the sort of thing you mean?
>
> http://www.ocalynch
Exactly! Gardening Kelly, if you haven't checked this out, do. You
might want to print it out as a reference. While I would not recommend
just giving it to your daughter because it might "tip her off" as to
what you're thinking, it might help you. For example, next time her
husband gets abusive and she's ready to leave, you can always "predict"
what will happen, that he'll make up by going into "nice" mode, then
pretend it hasn't happened, then slowly things will get worse.
This is the same "trick" Scamway uses when they say, "If you tell people
about "The Plan," they'll say it won't work because they're jealous.
They are predicting behavior and because they've predicted it, most
people will be impressed enough to believe what they say next.
Your case is different and, of course, is a *very* fine line. You can't
say too much, but on the other hand, if you "predict" what he'll do (as
in getting nice, reconciling, and eventually getting worse), then your
daughter might realize, when it happens as you say, that there is more
than what she sees.
On the other hand, if you don't handle it right, it could scare her into
expecting an "I told you so."
> With the topic at hand, it might be a helpful visual for people to
> look at. A google image search of "abuse cycle" will bring up other
> diagrams, many of which are also detailed.
My fault. I was just too focused elsewhere to do the basic steps I
should have taken.
Thanks!
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